If you know going into a conversation that you may be a subpar listener - because you’re exhausted from a dozen intense conversations earlier that day, unfamiliar with the topic under discussion, or any other reason - let the other person know right away. If you know a conversation might be upsetting, calm yourself as much as possible before going in. If you are preoccupied with another topic, take time to re-center. You’ll want to avoid noise, interruptions, and other external distractions, but it’s important to minimize your internal distractions as well. Minimize distractions as much as possible. This both improves the other person’s experience of feeling listened to, ensures that you fully understand their message, and can serve as a prompt to make sure important details aren’t overlooked. Ask more questions than you think you need to. Nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice, facial expression, and body language, are usually where the motivation and emotion behind the words is expressed. Remember that active listening means paying attention to both the explicit and implicit information that you’re receiving in a conversation. If these sorts of behaviors would require a significant habit change, you can instead, let people know at the beginning of a conversation that you’re on the non-reactive side, and ask for their patience and understanding. Offer nonverbal cues that you’re listening - but only if it comes naturally to you.Įye contact, attentive posture, nodding and other nonverbal cues are important, but it’s hard to pay attention to someone’s words when you’re busy reminding yourself to make regular eye contact. Use this tool only when you need to check your own comprehension - and say, explicitly, “I’m going to put this in my own words to make sure I understand.” 3. Rephrasing what your interlocutor has said, however, can increase both emotional friction and the mental load on both parties. Multiple studies have shown that direct repetition works, even though it may feel unnatural. Don’t “put it in your own words” unless you need to. It makes the other person feel listened to, keeps you on track during the conversation, and provides a pause for both of you to gather thoughts or recover from an emotional reaction. If you remember nothing else, remember this simple practice that does so much. Repeat people’s last few words back to them. Here’s a “cheat sheet” with nine helpful tips: 1. However, even minor improvements can make a big difference in your listening effectiveness. Getting good at active listening is a lifetime endeavor.
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